butterflies

for my mother.

How can words capture butterflies?
Born out of soft ugliness
Transformed into soaring grace
Existence in a handful of moments.

My mind use to beat my heart into tears when I thought of your nonexistence

Laundrytime heart pouring
Dreams cycled in and cycled out
Damp with overflowing frustrations
Words connecting hopes onto lines of reality
Your happiness put out under the sun to dry
Fading colors and shriveling hearts
Hearts that become raisins
Dark, wrinkled, and ambiguously sweet

Your recipes captured my tongue's imagination
Filling my tummy with warmth and undeniable love
I use to resent your lack of affection
Until I realized you poured all of your love,
your pride
your sense of self
into this bowl
Powered by these chopsticks
With every bite you hope I will know the pungent depth of your love.

I hope to never capture your grace
Rip the nets and bend the poles
I want you to soar into the sun
and land on sandy flowers
I want you to transcend your pain
and be overwhelmed with calmness

You broke your wings
and fell on your back
stared back into the sky
and drank up the cerulean
You sighed and wished for darkness
I hold your hand and wished for shooting stars

My heart beats my mind into amnesia.
Numbing tears and locking cries
Over your broken wings
Like Pandora's box
I attach wings to hope
Hope to clouds
Hoping you will soar again.