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You were there again.
I woke up uneasy
Haze slowly focusing to my ceiling
I realized it was you again
The dream rushing and tackling my senses
I breathe heavier thinking about our last encounter
You were a shell of yourself
Speaking words that had to travel across oceans by the time they reached me
Stale, motionless, dry, crumbling
Creating dustclouds for me to inhale
Cracked my heart and let it fly into the wind
I had forgotten your ability to bend love and steal moments

You have learned nothing
Let your heart fester with walls and chains
building yourself into another girl's arms
Making old revelations with new kisses
Devising new ways to play cat's cradle with our memories
Hiding behind your facade of invulnerability
You are broken, babygirl
Chipped, fragmented, messy
Weaving your pain under mine

Tell me the truth
Do you still love me?
I see it between the lines of your hesitancy and bravado
Stop pretending we only existed between time
We were real
even with our heavy hearts
We tried to harness moonshines to light our path
Kept swords under our pillows to battle night demons
Built fire between 500 miles that consumed us
Loved each other so fierce that the sun was jealous of our light
Do you remember?

I have suffered breakups that defy linearity
Hearts torn and built back up to be torn again
It's not only the night demons you need to battle
Love yourself to see the ones haunting you during the day
Eating your heart, turning you into another sad heartbreak statistic

I will consume the rest of this hollowness
Rest in pieces until I am ready to forge a new self
One in which I honor us and love myself
Find strength in my pain, using it to grab constellations
that leads back to my core.

freewrite

I see you in exactly 179 minutes. If you are on time, which you are, all the time. You hated tardiness. I was always tardy. Always late. Always scared. Scared to move, unsure of what my heart is beating. I imagine awkwardness morphing into friendship banter transforming into relationship clairvoyance. Or maybe we will just sit there. Looking at each other for answers we already know, confirming our existences were not meant to be aligned.

I still miss you. That is why nervousness is running up and down my veins. I have become stronger in my will but I am still prone to missteps in my heart.

It was a fantasy. The life we were living. The hopes, the dreams, the projections, expectations, the miles between us. All of it shaped us into a hurricane that whipped our love out of us into this amorphous entity in which we have been trying to steal back from.

You threw 500 mph love shots and my plastic nets melted to catch them. I can’t love like a roar, my love’s existence flows like a river and sounds like freedom. There is no more heart when you finished carving my chest. It has internally combusted and mixed with my liver to filter out the toxic between us and reformed to something you can’t hold anymore.

I still love you but I refuse to suffer any more storms. I refuse to sit in the center and watch everything around me spin and tumble out. We have taught, learned, and loved each other and there are no more lessons to learn. School has let out due to hurricane warnings. Time to go home.