I know it's dichotomous to look at it (from a feminist standpoint) of men vs. women, but I don't think enough feminists (that are womyn) really thought about the impact that GOOD men have made in their lives (I'm sure we all have thought about the fucked up things men have done in our lives though). And as I stand and watch two of the most beautiful queer men of color sleep in my living room, so innocently and so completely beautiful, I could not help think that my life has been heavily influenced by great men such as these. Here were two of my bestest friends, who have been there for me for the worst and for the best, that have fabulous fashion tips and even more insightful life tips. And I'm not one of those other "fag hags" (well first because I'm queer) and second, because I appreciate them for them. Their personalities are so bright and divine that sometimes I feel that this life and this world is too ugly for their beautiful spirits. I wanted to cry gazing at their peaceful faces as they enter another world within themselves. I look at them and think of their struggles as men and men of color and then as queer men of color, growing up trying to assert this patriarchial masculinity that never fitted them well. These two has taught me the meaning of what it means to be beautiful, inside and out. They have shown me the unbelievable ability of compassion and the world that I use to wish to live in. Men such as these, including my ex-boyfriend, who I still believe carry one of the most kindest and caring souls I have ever met. He really taught me patience, humility, and passion. I grew a lot from being with him.
Then there's my dad, who will always be the man I measure every other man in my life too. He is the towering handy-man with strong hands and an even stronger heart. He taught me the meaning of practicality, of how much money really means (not that much versus happiness), that no matter what happens, I am still his daughter and that he loves me. He taught me what being thoughtful is, he taught me to have a sense of humor and laugh more especially when you are hurting. I love my father for that. I love and respect him for being a good dad and a good man. There are never enough of those around these days. I love him for his strength as a man, but not just your stereotypical "man's man" but for the fact that he loves his family more than anything in the world. For the fact that he wanted a son and all he got was me, his first daughter, and still loved me as such, despite his upbringing in a fucked up patriarchy.
I just feel that I have been so completely blessed to have such worthwhile men in my life, that have made me into a stronger womyn without ever compromising my agency as a womyn. And I don't know if it's wrong or un-PC, but I feel that to a certain extent, we can celebrate our boys and our men without celebrating their patriarchy. That is, because if we don't, the immense pressure of being a man in this "testosterone-driven" society, will break them inside and be harder and even impossible to repair and heal later on.
To all you brave and beautiful men out there, I appreciate you and your kind souls and I do love all of you for it.
